At an MBA college, you are bombarded with Gyan: some we take as sour pill other we sugarcoat to fool ourselves in believing that we have got our paisa vasool. But don’t we know that indeed all this struggle is just a shortcut to a fat purse and a sleek curse (read marriage), period. Oops did I just uncork the holy secret of bachelorhood! Yeah, now you look interested, now you wanna know about the ghost that wanders in mango grooves behind our college hostels, huh…aha!!
One thing we learnt from childhood and which was stamped here by the divine learning from subjects like Upanishads was to love everyone as if they were you, in short love thy neighbor. This letter is dedicated to all the pretty and intellectual damsels of Girls hostel from the Soup boys of men’s hostel narrated by “wall” that divides the two inseparable hostels.
Ladies, As a witness, standing here all day wanting to peek, to whistle, to act a little mawali , I have waited three years of my prime(since this campus came up) wanting to tell you all my side of the story. As you joined the Spartan batch I had hope, hope that this time I will see the best of all time flicks that will take my breath away, that this year will give me enough tales of Adam and Eve and their sinful apple (apart from stories of winning competitions and cracking fantabulous packages in your placements)
After a year, I can proudly say that my white has been painted pink by your exploits. Remember Sholay, where Jay asks Mausi to let his langotia yaar Veeru marry Basanti! Well as times changed, the roles have reversed and you missies have left the adorable Veeru behind in all sense of the word. No you don’t booze and burp, you have no clue what poker is and please for the sake of holy mother don’t tell me that you have even heard about seil spelt backwards! You were never a free rider in any of the assignments we did together or exploited our desire with your beauty acts of fake promises! I dare not mean to parallel you with chocolate soufflé, the French connection with daring getups or the lovely Aunties (am I allowed to call you that!!!) gossiping and publishing dirt and winning Oscars for their sati savitri getups!
The mystery with gossips is unparalleled to any account in the dawn of recorded history of mankind. A piece of information that starts at a source in an MBA college is spiced up with the marketing turmeric and the peppery salsa and served hot and saucy to the feasting lips of its adorer. The means almost always get defeated in the end (but wasn’t the end always about having fun; oh comeon as MBAs from a premier institute we suppose to put on a polish act). The uncertainty of this outcome multiplies and increases exponentially. In plain words, the confusion burst every single living red blood cell of your brains and you wish you would have never known (ask the rapper guy in our college, the burly tattooed fellow and you would know!!)
But it’s fun and this gay feeling has so much delight that you do it and do it again and again till the time you perfect the art. You never accept that in the end it’s all gossips- a classic case of wishful denial. Its sleazy and someone else’s personal matter. But you don’t stop. The thank-you and the see-i-told-you feeling that comes with the narratives makes you a junkie freak and listen-to-this–this-one’s-new talk’s drives you mad. It’s a matter of tasting the elusive fruit and the exuberant high-spirited libertine performs the Oscar winning acts time and over again.
Ladies, you have no clue what “friends with benefits” mean or for that matter what inspires drunken fights in the sane ambience of our college – Beep Beep and you made me weep, peep peep oh you don’t act cheap!!
Oki enough of misplaced humor and the ‘wall’ letter, I must lay open the Pandora box of truth from the brave men of Sparta’s perspective.
Weeping is not man quality or else I would have, at this juncture, at the very thought that as we move ahead in our journey you will be lost in the books of our MBA memories. It will never be the same! Girls, you brought polished sanity to our understanding of the fairer sex. You redefined Indian beauties with the love that you showered on us. If you helped us though assignments, you also cried with our placement heart breaks or rejoiced at the mindboggling packages that we got!
The parties that we went together were like awesome – even a place such as Mahabs became the only spot to hangout together for a long time wasn’t that boring afterall. The many movies at a theater like Mayajaal turned out to be fun all because of your killer company (oh will never forget the invisible 3D experiences with you). Cribbing and cursing found new meaning – be it lamenting on inedible food of Akshaya or teaching customer delight through chain mails for Sodexo people – it was an experience that will do the rounds of our memory lane for years to come.
Remember when we entered the college and wanted to be together during those early days but were strictly barred to be out of campus after the old man hours and even disciplined to act while restricting your entries to our Wonder La after ten pm – unholy, ungodly, insanely excruciating, like eating food without onions and garlic 🙂
Can you really forget the ‘Unni’ fun where we paint balled each other or the ‘salsa’ nights which became an excuse to hold your hand, is it sane to claim that we were found missing in the lost and found section on Rakhi because we were out making life changing deals with the devil or the recent ‘holi’ show which was to mildly impress you with our Hercules bravado!!!
How it became a status symbol if you wrote on our year book and how our bikes and car show got universal TRPs if only you modeled – a secret that you should know. (yeah all those stuff toys in our cars and rooms and the dogs and cat acts were just to impress your aww cho chweet veins, a little attention doesn’t hurt huh!!!)
Fine alright you never got a zillion proposals like you would have in your undergrad but maybe it was because your charm left us speechless during our meets, maybe we were too happy to be friends, maybe all that we wanted was some fun in the sunshine and perhaps a dance in the rain. Personally I came across confident women with whom I could discourse all day on subjects of international diplomacy and spiritual freedom!!
We found friends, sisters and even love in you. Fine our adrenaline doesn’t play fuzzy logics at the thought of Chennai but the mind did play hide and seek with dreamy desires because of you. The purpose of an MBA was served thanks to you.
May you all fair well in life… Om Peace Peace Peace!!
– Shashwat Rai
correspondent, Boys hostel